….I’ve longed to be a mother for many years, and I’m very excited to be starting a family through open adoption. Open adoptions are based on mutual trust and respect between a birthmother and the adopting family she chooses for her baby. You can read about me, my family, friends, and home, and my beliefs about adoption and parenting in the posts below…
Back in — oh, gosh, it took me a minute to figure out how long ago this all was — but I started this blog back in 2005 and I think it must have been in 2008 that I decided I was going to have a kid… but I never blogged about that stuff… and then in 2010 I had worked through the whole infertility diagnosis and decided to adopt. So (back then) I spent ages totally revising 5 years worth of my blog to make it into an “adoption website.” In retrospect, I should have just started a second site. Because it was awful! I loved my blog, and I hated the adoption page. I had to un-post everything that mentioned cocktails or cuss words and re-categorize everything else into these awful “about me” categories.
Everything I did was scrubbed down with sunshine-polish until my whole life was bleeding around the edges.
I stuck with it as long as I could: “Dear Birthmother” letters, adoption application essays, social media — when the adoption agency wanted me to start using Twitter, I just burnt out. I stopped writing entirely for a couple of years, and it’s still hard.
My adoption agency went out of business in 2017. After 7 years of waiting, I was back to square one… and I had a lot to say about it. I realized I really needed to be writing again.
A lot of other stuff changed along the way too. When I get caught up (hahahaha) I will go back and link to the posts about that…. (!)
I hate this whole concept of acceptance. I hate giving up. And it’s been very, very hard for me to learn the difference between giving up trying, and gracefully surrendering to something you can’t control. Read more…