The winter solstice!  The Longest Night!  The Night of Lights, when cold and dark are at their height and we bring back the sun by lighting candles, singing together with the rejoicing stars, sharing gifts of love, and warming hearts.  What better way to launch Christmas than by taking a bunch of little girls to the mall?  Hell yeah.

We got the necessary shopping done, for mothers and fathers, best pals and young cousins, and found there was still time to “hang out” at Southpoint.  Southpoint Mall is one of those elaborately bourgeois monsters with pretend street names and horrid bronze statues of frolicking children.  I always tell my niece and nephew, “That’s what happens to little kids who misbehave at the mall.”  Yup, you get dipped in bronze and left on display as a warning to others.

I settled on a bench at the top of the escalators and turned the girls loose for an hour.  They only had $20 left between them; how much trouble can two 13-year-olds get into, in an hour, with only $20?  I told them to check in at 7:30 and be back by 8.

Four minutes before 8 both girls are standing at attention, very much on time and  – oh lord – carrying pixie sticks the length of their own legs.

Both are red-faced and breathless. From hurrying to be on time?  Well yes, but also because Abercrombie has live store models standing on duty for the holiday shopping season, and the boy-models had no shirts on.

Shirtless boys!  And they were, obviously, hot shirtless boys.  The girls were giddy; euphoric:  A had taken photos and E was unable to finish her sentences.  Both were buzzing on sugar and high on hormones.  The whole way home in the car we sang carols about hot boys.

Jingle bells:  Shirt-less boys, shirt-less boys, hot boys in the maaaaaall…  oh-what-fun-it-is-to-see them standing straight and taaaaalllll

Silent Night:  Shiiiiiiirtless boys, shirtless boys, super hot, charm and poise….

All I Want for Christmas:  … is a shirtless boy….

And so on.

The winter solstice!  The Longest Night!  The Night of Lights, when cold and dark are at their height and we bring back the sun by staying up past bedtime, eating sugar until we shine like stars, thronging at the mall to find gifts for everyone we know, and warming our hearts with the discovery of Hotness of Boys.  I think we’re off to a good start.