Meanwhile, back on the ranch...

Meanwhile, back on the ranch…

1. I got my hair cut again. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Yes, it looks better short. I’ve come to terms with my life-long wish to have long, curly red hair. I understand: for that kind of hair to look good on me, I’d need a totally different head. But in the meantime, the short hair poses the following problems: A) hair driers and B) straightening irons. I am ok with having to ask the little girls to show me how to use my phone, but it’s somewhat galling to have to ask them how to do my hair.
It’s funny – I was certainly brought up to not care much what I looked like. It’s partly a hippie thing and partly a middle-class white thing. But now that I recognize the latter aspect, I pay a lot more attention to things like hair and make-up and – although sometimes I need Paul’s help with this – not wearing sandals with socks. To assume that I am wonderful no matter how I look, is healthy. To assume the rest of the world will automatically agree with me on that, is arrogance. Thus, I will learn to wear mascara and straighten my hair, as an exercise in humility.

Thus far, the results range from hilarious to terrifying.

2. I still have my Christmas tree up. I know, I know – after 12th night all those pine needles turn into demons. But as demons go, frankly, pine-needle demons are kind of ok with me. Better the demons you know, right?

3. Exercising every day! I’ve successfully done this for four whole days in a row! Woot! That’s, like, twice as long as my previous record. Although I have to admit, this morning my “pilates workout” only lasted about 5 minutes, and it was terribly, terribly difficult. Even the easy leg stretches and roll-ups had me groaning and collapsing like I was gonna die. But I still get a sticker!

4. Went to my first graduate classes at UNC. I am dead set on getting myself a doctorate for my birthday. It will have to be a birthday a couple of years from now, but still, we must begin! I’ve got a year to get my application together, and then if all goes well I’d be starting school in 2013-2014. (!)

That seems like a really, really long time from now.

So, I figured, why wait? So much of my life is waiting, right now; so much depends on what other people will “allow.” I’m not waiting for this! So I went ahead and started taking classes, even though I’m not registered as a student, I haven’t been admitted to the program, and I won’t be getting credit. I’m going anyway.

I love my classes already. I’ve downloaded over 100 articles from old course syllabi I found online, and I’ve already read a couple of the books required for the classes I’m sitting in on. Curriculum theory classes, mostly, and a course on educational finance and equity. Intellectually, I am going to get my butt kicked, but I don’t care. Again, results will probably range from hilarious to terrifying, and again, I expect I’ll learn a couple more lessons in humility. But after everything I’ve been through with this whole adoption thing, really, not much scares me anymore. I know it will be hard, and I know I can do things that are hard.

If I just sit and wait, I will turn into jelly, mentally and physically. I need to stay me. Right now, Me is ready to learn things, armed with a highlighter in one hand and a flat-iron in the other. Woo hoo!

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