Day 2 and I already was in a writer’s-block panic!\u00c2\u00a0 So for today, just a list.\u00c2\u00a0 Here are some adoption things that I think more people should be aware of.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ll make it a Top Ten List, and then I can go back later and write more about some of these.<\/p>\n
1.\u00c2\u00a0 When someone tells you they are planning to adopt, just say what you would say to any expectant, excited, soon-to-be parent:\u00c2\u00a0 say Congratulations.<\/p>\n
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2.\u00c2\u00a0 There are lots of kinds of adoption.<\/p>\n
The three big categories are foreign adoptions, domestic adoptions through the public foster care system, and “private” domestic adoptions (not through foster care).<\/p>\n
Adoptions can also be closed (the traditional kind where you don’t know anything about the birth parents, and they don’t have any contact with you), or open (where the birthparents and adoptive family are in touch with each other).\u00c2\u00a0 The possible amounts of open-ness and closed-ness vary along a huge spectrum.\u00c2\u00a0 Even in a closed adoption, adoptees now have access to more and more information about their birthfamiles.\u00c2\u00a0 Openness is growing!<\/p>\n
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3.\u00c2\u00a0 Words matter.\u00c2\u00a0 We used to say a birthmother “gives up” her baby for adoption.\u00c2\u00a0 But we don’t say that anymore.\u00c2\u00a0 Please, when you talk about adoption, practice saying that a birthmother has “placed her child in an adoption.”\u00c2\u00a0 This woman has just done the most impossibly brave and selfless thing a woman can do, and her decision will change her life, and her child’s life, and the adopting parent’s life, forever.\u00c2\u00a0 She is giving.\u00c2\u00a0 She is not giving up.<\/p>\n
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4.\u00c2\u00a0 Better protection for adopted children has been a big issue in the news lately.\u00c2\u00a0 There are a lot of scary stories out there that would really break your heart, about children who were adopted into families who mistreated them horribly.\u00c2\u00a0 So if you just google around, you might find bloggers and reporters who seem kind of against-adoption.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s important to remember that everyone, whether they’re adoption cheerleaders or adoption critics, wants every child to be raised by a family that loves them and can take care of them.<\/p>\n
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5.\u00c2\u00a0 Some people are really ignorant.\u00c2\u00a0 There are still people who say stuff like,\u00c2\u00a0 “So, who are the REAL parents?”<\/p>\n
I know, YOU would never say that.\u00c2\u00a0 But people do!\u00c2\u00a0 If anyone says that to you, just ask them, “Where are your REAL manners?”\u00c2\u00a0 Because, hello, rude!<\/p>\n
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6.\u00c2\u00a0 “Adoption has its own labor pains.”\u00c2\u00a0 That’s what a very wise woman told me many years ago.<\/p>\n
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7.\u00c2\u00a0 I wanted to put in a statistic about how many adopted children there are in the US, but while there’s tons of data there’s no obvious and simple answer, and I don’t feel like reading all the spreadsheets and doing the math.\u00c2\u00a0 I frequently see the statistic, from some survey, that about 60% of Americans are connected to adoption in some way – someone in their family was adopted, etc.<\/p>\n
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8.\u00c2\u00a0 Adoptions that are not done through the foster system are super expensive.\u00c2\u00a0 Really, really expensive.\u00c2\u00a0 If you know someone who’s waiting to adopt, assume they are now totally broke.<\/p>\n
There’s a partial tax credit, which has to be re-approved every year, and the rules about it change every year.\u00c2\u00a0 Most people don’t know about it, but for adopting families it’s a kinda life and death.\u00c2\u00a0 I will definitely write more about this!!!\u00c2\u00a0 Only don’t sue me.\u00c2\u00a0 I am not a tax attorney and nothing I say should be taken as tax advice etc etc.\u00c2\u00a0 (I think I have to say that.)\u00c2\u00a0 But I’ll tell you what I’ve learned so far.<\/p>\n
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9.\u00c2\u00a0 Everything else I can think of is more personal – my own story, why I decided on adoption, what’s it’s been like for me, what I hope for, what I’m afraid of.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not sure I will ever think that my personal feelings are something the world should be aware of.\u00c2\u00a0 I’m not that much of a drama queen.\u00c2\u00a0 But it has definitely been helpful to me, reading what other people have shared about their own stories and how they have felt.\u00c2\u00a0 So I’ll share some of mine, and if it makes anybody else on this road feel less lonely, then it’s worth it.<\/p>\n
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10.\u00c2\u00a0 Breastfeeding.\u00c2\u00a0 No shit.\u00c2\u00a0 People actually expect adoptive moms to do this.\u00c2\u00a0 Think about it, people.<\/p>\n
If your first reaction is “How the &#*^$ would that even be possible,” then we’re starting on the same page.\u00c2\u00a0 If your first reaction is “Why of course, dear, even men can lactate.\u00c2\u00a0 You better start pumping now<\/em>!”