{"id":178,"date":"2009-04-02T15:45:33","date_gmt":"2009-04-02T22:45:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?page_id=178"},"modified":"2018-11-17T09:13:29","modified_gmt":"2018-11-17T16:13:29","slug":"journal-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.rebeccagibson.org\/?page_id=178","title":{"rendered":"Journal"},"content":{"rendered":"

_____________<\/p>\n

______________________________<\/p>\n

Internet dating<\/p>\n

I tried to write an “online dating” sonnet<\/p>\n

But the meter was too civil and the rhymes were too rude.<\/p>\n

_______________________<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Fragment<\/p>\n

When I think of all of the things you never<\/p>\n

. \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 . \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 promises \u00c2\u00a0 . \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0.<\/p>\n

. \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 . \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 actually. \u00c2\u00a0. \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 .<\/p>\n

Broken forever?<\/p>\n

———————————<\/span><\/p>\n

I have to admit
\nthough it is hard to explain:
\nCornbread makes me blush.
\n______________________<\/p>\n

This Theme Is Not So Actual<\/strong> (spam poetry)<\/p>\n

I like it topic.
\nThere are other variants?
\nWe can communicate on this theme.<\/p>\n

Excuse, that I interrupt you, but, in my opinion,
\nthis theme is not so actual.
\nIn my opinion. Your opinion is erroneous.
\nYou commit an error.<\/p>\n

It is very a pity to me, that I can help nothing to you.
\nIn my opinion here someone has gone in cycles
\nWell! Do not tell fairy tales!
\nDo not despair.<\/p>\n

YES, this intelligible message
\nIt is remarkable, rather amusing idea
\nYes, logically correctly
\nNeither it is more, nor it is less.
\nIt is improbable.
\n_______________________________<\/p>\n

Pirate Song, by Mike<\/strong><\/p>\n

I am a Corsair on the sea of information!
\nI unfurl my sails to steal thoughts off the breeze.
\nIt’s “Anchors Aweigh!” and there’s no litigation!
\nI can (email my mother, download a movie, etc.<\/em>) with ease…<\/p>\n

etc.
\n________________________
\nDress Blues Blues<\/strong>
\n— Mike Gibson wrote:
\n> you crazy flake-maker!
\n> tomorow they’re inspecting our dress blues
\n> tonight i’m polishing my leather shoes
\n<\/em><\/p>\n

Gonna wake up in the morning
\nPolish up my shoes<\/p>\n

Gonna wake up in the morning baby
\nPolish up those shoes<\/p>\n

Cause don’t you know baby
\nThey’re inspecting our blues<\/p>\n

Gonna polish up the buttons
\nreally make em shine
\nGonna polish every button baby
\nreally make em shine
\nBut I’ve got the blues so bad honey
\nCause you ain’t mine<\/p>\n

yeah<\/p>\n

Heels together, upright stance
\nToes just this far apart
\nHold my breath in a trance baby
\nHair too short and fuzzy to part<\/p>\n

You could cut yourself on the sharp crease in my pants,
\nBut that don’t even match the crease you made in my heart<\/p>\n

yeah<\/p>\n

I’ve got the hat just right on my barely-there hair
\nI’ve got the glance just right, yeah my military stare
\nBut ain’t nothing right honey cause you ain’t there<\/p>\n

Yeah I don’t care if the man be impressed honey
\nCause you don’t care<\/p>\n

woooooo<\/p>\n

Come inspect my blues mamma
\nI wear ’em everywhere.
\n______________________________<\/p>\n

\n

A long time since my thoughts came out in verse
\nexcept for mopey, miserable stuff;
\nperhaps the odd haiku for now and then.
\nMy meter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s better when my moods are worse.
\nI hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had a feeling strong enough
\nto make it worth the time to find a pen.<\/p>\n

But lately I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m delighted by small things
\nand springtime seems like it will last forever.
\nAnd in my garden I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m surprised to find
\nhow many things I planted are alive.
\nThe thing inside my heart that still has wings
\nand the aspect of my mind that can be clever
\nthe part of me that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s strong, and the part that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kind,
\nfound water for their roots, and might survive.<\/p>\n

____________________________<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

The Ballad of Stringthing<\/strong>
\nNow Rebecca makes good on her promise
\nto write the whole Update in verse:
\nShe cannot quite do it as epic
\nand fears that a sonnet is worse.
\nBut later when things are much quieter
\nall she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s required to do will be
\nNote down our plans and accomplishments
\nneatly in tidy haiku.<\/p>\n

So now it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time to update all the \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcStrings,
\nAnd tell you all the Things the Strings have done:
\nThe \u00e2\u20ac\u0153hatted\u00e2\u20ac\u009d dead have started baby hats;
\nThe winners of the Hat Attack have won.
\nBy subtlety as well as speed they\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 wins!
\nIf you now want to play the larger game
\nGo to the site and register your name.<\/p>\n

Oh \u00e2\u20ac\u201c and I still have Teresa\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s plastic bins. :)<\/p>\n

The Swap-o-Rama got rained out but still
\nWe showed off our amazing recycling skill
\nWith t-shirts cut in slices and then knit,
\nButtons made from little fabric bits,
\nAnd yarn made from a schoolgirl\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s uniform,
\nIn spite of ill-timed inconvenient storm.<\/p>\n

Our festive week of holidays is here!
\nEach Santa works in Secret on their gift
\nThe Fiber Loft gives all our hearts a lift
\nAnd Kelly wants to go and get some beer.<\/p>\n

Soooooo….
\nwe meet next week in th\u00e2\u20ac\u2122usual Broad Street space
\nThen move the party to Rebecca\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s place.
\nBring ye a gift of silly-swapping kind
\nWhatever crazy thing that you can find.
\nWe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll play some carols and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll play some dreidel
\nAnd eat as many cookies as we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re able.
\nAnd since we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve neighbors who for food are wishin’
\nPlease bring canned goods for the Durham Rescue Mission.<\/p>\n

{Sorry for the lines that don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t quite rhyme.
\nBe glad that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do this every time! }<\/p>\n

Hey! Now\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s your chance to be in Centerfest
\nFrom now til then, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s only weeks between
\nSo, of your crafts bring forth the very best
\nAnd if you have some questions, ask Juline!<\/p>\n

As our first anniversary we reach
\nWe all would rather be down at the beach.
\nStay tuned for details further Updates bring
\nAnd we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll celebrate the Birthday of StringThing!<\/p>\n

Whew!<\/p>\n

_________________________<\/div>\n
Arma squirrelumque cano<\/strong><\/div>\n

J has been getting in the way of my writing. Now, though, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s looking out the window, probably at squirrels\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.<\/p>\n

c<\/p>\n

In his head he is composing an epic poem about squirrels. Oh, now *I* want to write one. Much more than I feel like working. (sigh)
\n-R<\/p>\n

Julian wants to compose a Homeric account of the Squirrel;
\nnow, on the couch, he is napping and dreaming of dactyls and spondees.
\nSoon he will wake and begin, like a Greek, to declaim from the futon\u00e2\u20ac\u201d
\nI will ignore him, and try (sans the Muse) to prepare for my conference.<\/p>\n

c<\/p>\n

I totally hate you.
\n-R<\/p>\n

_________________________<\/p>\n

Found poems – email spam<\/strong><\/div>\n

underhanded waif<\/p>\n

single-handedly buzzard<\/p>\n

no more than a fish loves<\/p>\n

McNeile had been recommended to him by Lady Brunel\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

You don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to keep company with a shepherd anymore.<\/p>\n

________________________<\/p>\n

Things not to do list<\/strong><\/div>\n

not my monkey
\nnot my job
\nno rescuing
\nno pretending
\nno moping
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a snob
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t slam any doors
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make things up
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t borrow trouble<\/p>\n

don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a doormat<\/p>\n

don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t push buttons
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t eat cookies
\ndon\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make promises<\/p>\n

___________________
\nDorothy Parker’s avatar<\/strong>
\nThank God for Libby
\nWho always calls me just when
\nI really need her
\n____________________
\nRust<\/strong>
\na sword
\na spade
\na rusty thought
\nrefilling is progress<\/p>\n

refilling is progress
\n__________________________
\nHorologion…<\/strong><\/p>\n

compline<\/em><\/p>\n

Oh Lord
\nteach me not to forgive
\nhelp me hold a grudge
\nmake me angry; harden my heart
\nkeep me from the easy path of live and let live.
\nLet me not totter aimlessly about in someone else’s shoes
\nkeep me from stumbling compromise
\nand I will knot my laces
\nand walk through the desert towards your shimmering city.<\/p>\n

Oh Lord
\nteach me to be discontented
\nnot to be beguiled by the charms of every day.
\nTeach me to want
\nteach me desire:
\nlet me only glimpse your potential beneath the husk and I
\nwill leave the wheat and beat the chaff to gold.
\nOh Lord make me ambitious and I will build you a tower
\nI will love some of my friends more than others
\nand I will profit from the labor of my enemies.<\/p>\n

Oh Lord teach me to lie
\nto ignore the mean and little truth
\nteach me your Word
\nand the alchemy of wishing
\nand I will destroy what you have made and make something else that I like better.
\nTeach me your spelling and I will be your editor.<\/p>\n

Oh Lord I will bargain with you
\nfor you dwell in my heart
\nso you had better do what I say.
\n________________________________<\/p>\n

Haiku on going deaf<\/strong><\/div>\n

Although the doctor<\/p>\n

gave me antibiotics<\/p>\n

I still can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hear you.<\/p>\n

___________________<\/p>\n

Observation<\/strong><\/div>\n

Nothing is certain but change.
\nMost things are generally strange.<\/p>\n

_________________________<\/p>\n

April Fool<\/strong><\/div>\n

I hope that April will be honest with me.
\nI thought we had agreed to trust each other
\nBut lately – and far too often – I find I
\nfeel a bit foolish<\/p>\n

____________________________
\nclassified ads<\/strong>
\nwhere is the kinky niche market in which
\na late night call brings someone to your bed
\nwho takes your covers
\nor snores in your ear
\nand turns in the night to put his arm around you
\nwithout even waking
\nand when the crickets have chimed the minutes into morning
\nbrings you coffee with no strings attached
\n____________________________
\nThe first time, he said
\nwe might as well get married
\nwe live together anyway.
\nBut I deferred a while
\nbecause it was not what I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d had in mind:
\nI\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d scripted his proposal in the backs of my school notebooks,
\npracticing my married name,
\nso the letters of my adult self would hold straight, strong spines,
\ntilted as if moving, not leaning
\nnot falling
\nand with curves in all the right places.
\nThe second time it was only a lover\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s jest, a dare;
\nin a moment so bright that I can still see the outline of each leaf on the branch above us
\nand I said probably and laughed and
\nI thought that being certain was enough.<\/p>\n

Now my lovers tell me to gather rosebuds
\nbecause commitments are too hard
\nand loving one person cannot be enough
\nand marriage is a sham
\nand children are annoying.
\nSo I keep the petals in little glass jars
\nLike the shells of beetles
\ndusty and fragrant.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The third time was a charm<\/p>\n

You asked me once, and twice, and again<\/p>\n

And every time I said yes<\/p>\n

“I would rather be a fool for love,” I said, “than wise for the sake of anything else.”<\/p>\n

And I was.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

____________________________________
\nIf I showed you the back of my heart so you
\ncould see that there aren’t any strings hiding there
\nno expectations or regrets – could you still
\nlove me a little
\n_____________________
\nA young lady who would persist<\/p>\n

in worrying during a tryst<\/p>\n

was sad to discover<\/p>\n

that an anxious lover<\/p>\n

is not high on anyone’s list.
\n_______________
\nstupid question<\/strong><\/p>\n

Are we not speaking
\nBecause it is too soon or
\nBecause it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s too late?
\n_______________________________
\nIt could be worse.<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Think of the wanderer, sitting alone in his boat in the cold without oars.<\/p>\n

Might as well be eaten by whales.
\n________________________________
\n\"blue-kitty\"
\nEvidently it runs in the family…<\/strong>
\nemail from my grandparents, as transcribed by my mother<\/em><\/p>\n

Our thanks for the slender blue kitty
\nIt is most remarkably pretty
\nIt sat on the sill
\nAnd is sitting there still
\n(The last line should be something witty.)<\/p>\n

Or how about a haiku?
\nHow many syllables in a haiku? 5 in the first line, then 7, then 5.
\nOh. OK. Here goes. I love the blue cat….<\/p>\n

Shall we do it in French?
\nWhat are the French rules for haiku? Does it have the same pattern and number of syllables?<\/p>\n

Well, why not?
\nHaiku is Japanese.
\nThe rule is Japanese. If it’s 5-7-5 in English, it’s because it is 5-7-5 in Japanese, so it has to be 5-7-5 in French.<\/p>\n

J’adore le chat bleu.
\nJe te remercie mille fois
\nMa chere Rebecca.<\/p>\n

My dear Rebecca
\nA thousand times I thank you.
\nI love the blue cat.<\/p>\n

Shall we try it in German?
\nI don’t know if we can do it in German.
\nWell we ought to be able to, since we just ate at a German restuarant.<\/p>\n

What’s German for “blue?”<\/p>\n

Blau.<\/p>\n

Ich liebe das Katz blau.<\/p>\n

Nope, that doesn’t work. Let’s try it in Latin.<\/p>\n

Go for it.<\/p>\n

Amo, amas, amat.
\nWe love the blue glass cat.
\nCattus vitrum caeruleum.
\nNow she sits in our museum.<\/p>\n

OK, but it isn’t haiku.<\/p>\n

Well, who ever heard of Romans doing haiku?
\n__________________________________<\/p>\n

Horologion…<\/strong><\/p>\n

eleison<\/em><\/p>\n

I do not honestly recall
\nwhether my parents were the types to say maybe when they meant
\nno
\nor later when they meant
\nnever
\nor I’ll think about it when they meant
\nforget it.<\/p>\n

But I have noticed
\nthat maybe usually means no
\nand later has still not arrived
\nand I often think about things I probably ought to just
\nforget,<\/p>\n

And that the click of a door closing quietly is more deadly than a slam
\nAnd the way my heart still lifts when the phone rings makes me ashamed.
\nAnd I’m not really sorry for what I did
\nEven when consequences line up like marbles in a chute
\nwhere the weight of each sphere drops the next into orbit
\nmaking the tin clown spin and spin
\nwith the white lead paint cracking in the corner of his smile.
\n_________________________
\nJournal<\/strong><\/p>\n

I keep a journal now
\nwith perforated pages
\nwhere each hope that lifts a leaf above dry ground is
\ncarefully chronicled before it wilts.<\/p>\n

Each wrinkle is pressed out for viewing,
\nworm holes and decaying edges cradled in bits of tragic satin,
\nAnd each agonized little tear is gently folded back on itself
\nso as to preserve the original rip,
\nno further.
\nUntil I get tired of it and tear the page out completely.<\/p>\n

Not even I would want to leaf back over a record of my days.
\n_____________________________________
\nLemon Tree<\/strong>
\nThe flowers are a surprise
\nSo are the thorns
\nAnd after a long time
\nA long time
\nThe fruit
\nHeavy, wrinkled
\nGolden
\nBittersweet
\n_______________________
\nPoets and Philosophers<\/strong>
\nRed wine and sad music make a dangerous
\ncombination. I am sure that it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t
\nhelp much, and I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure Boethius would say
\nsomething about it.
\n_____________________________
\nNightmare<\/strong>
\nAlone in the empty lot – I froze –
\nthe darkened windows; dreadful sight:
\nOh why would the coffee shop be closed at
\nnine o\u00e2\u20ac\u2122clock on
\nMonday
\nnight?
\n_____________________
\nHaiku:<\/p>\n

Sentence structure and
\nLogical sequence of thought
\nEvade my students
\n________________________________
\nDoor-mouse<\/strong><\/p>\n

A dormouse is nocturnal, storing heat
\nAnd brightness for the winter. It builds a
\nglobe-shaped nest, inside a knot And sleeps there,
\ntightly curled \u00e2\u20ac\u201c so fast asleep it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wake
\nup even if you roll it. (!)
\nThe dormouse sleeps in teapots at parties
\nAnd wakes up thinking what it might have said.
\nThe dormouse in the summer shares its nest
\nWith mate and young, but hibernates alone,
\nDreaming of doorways.
\n____________________________________
\nSonnet Practice<\/strong><\/p>\n

There was a time when you would say that I
\nShould tell you what I want and what I don’t.
\nI hate to spoil someone else’s joke,
\nBut this joke seems to be at my expense.
\nAnd if you think that bossing me around
\nAnd making fun of me is “what I need,”
\nYou are confused.<\/p>\n

I will not do some stupid kinky show
\nin public with a woman I don’t know
\njust to amuse you.
\nAnd if you’d asked why not, or asked at all,
\nThen you would know me better than you do.<\/p>\n

There isn’t much I wouldn’t do for you,
\nBut I won’t wrestle in meringue with Kate.
\n_________________________
\n\"sqirl\"
\nFlick
\nCurl
\nQuick Swirl
\nSquirrel
\n__________________
\n\"shell\"
\nNot the rough silk of the sand
\nNor the smell of salt
\nNot the pull of the tides
\nNor the siren song of wind and wave and gull
\nNot sea-worship
\nBut shell-greed
\n__________________________
\n\"drift\"
\nGanesha arrives in the mail, unexpectedly.
\nHe rides on a tiny but powerful mouse.
\nGod of students,
\nof tests, and of new
\nbeginnings.
\n__________________________<\/p>\n

When I opened my eyes this morning I found
\nthat I had written a poem in my sleep.
\nIt was another sad poem – a good one –
\nprobably sapphic.
\n________________________
\n madrigal<\/strong>
\nDulcina gets exactly what she deserves
\nin love at noon, a twilight fool, wise too late
\na perfectly good thunderstorm was wasted
\nin sobbing and sighing<\/p>\n

Foolish, spoiled, ungrateful little hussy –
\nThere\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nothing to cry about, and it won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t help.
\nQuit wasting time, and get your act together.
\nWhat is your problem?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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